On Mother’s Day, this year and the two prior years, Casey’s absence was palpable. I did what I thought I needed to do, remind my wife Dianne that she was a great mother, so warm, loving and supportive, and that Casey loved her and that she had been responsible for helping Casey live a wonderful 21 years. I asked how she was doing on Mother’s Day, with one of her children dead. She told me that , for her, all days are like Mother’s Day-that day was no worse than any other. I did not really get the full significance of what she meant until Father’s Day. Father’s Day this year was very difficult for me, more so than the two prior years, and definitely more difficult that other days. It is two-edged-what I have lost and what Casey has lost and will never have. And about a week or so later it struck me -For Di, a mother who has lost her child, are all days for her like my Father’s Day? Are there not days that are easier for moms?
Friday, June 29, 2012
Thursday, June 14, 2012
I was on the treadmill and watching "Power Ball." Brad Pitt's daughter sings him a song and I start sobbing like I have not for some months. A young girl singing a song about life's troubles, life being a "riddle." But also about hope and possibilities. Her name is Casey too. I hear Casey, my Casey, in my mind singing show tunes, and remember that when she would sing and our eyes would connect she would give me that sweet, yet confident and knowing look--knowing that she was touching me like only a daughter could. I wonder if I see these things, these reminders of Casey , to remind me that I am getting on with my life without her..and maybe getting on too well.